Often times with pornography one act leads to the other and before you know it, it is has become a habit too difficult to break away from. Many people who get into the trap of pornography admit that it began in a very simple way. Sometimes it can be as simple as looking at a pornographic magazine.
Although addiction to pornography is one of the hardest things to deal with, it is still possible to break away and lead a normal life. The problem with pornography is that it makes you obsessed with sex. If it is a man, it always makes you see women as sexual objects. The situation is even worse when the addict is married.
A man or a woman may want to experiment with what they saw in pornographic scenes or pictures with his or her spouse. At the end of the day, one partner feels used and unworthy because they are forced to do what they don’t like.
While some women may tolerate a husband who is addicted to pornography, some walk away because of the emotional pain that’s often inflicted on them. Sex addiction generally erodes a sense of self-worthiness and it makes one see others differently.
Strengthening your marriage after a porn addiction
The good news is that pornography addiction is something that can be overcome. It requires one to accept the problem and start walking the recovery process. Seeking guidance and counseling is one of the best ways to overcome the addiction. It also needs cooperation from your partner.
Here are some of the best ways to have strength and hope in a marriage after a porn addiction:
Forgiveness
Forgiveness is very important when it comes to restoring a marriage that had been vexed with pornography. According to therapists, forgiveness may not be easy but it is good for the spouse who was addicted to ask for forgiveness from his wife and the entire family.
Besides, the man should be patient enough to give her wife time to heal. The discussion should be honest and sincere between the two spouses. For example, the once addicted spouses should answer all questions asked by the wife. He should also take responsibility for his action and accept spiritual and professional helps to fully recover from the addiction.
Dealing with fault beliefs
Therapists identify 4 beliefs that underpin sex addition:
• No one is going to love me the way I am
• I am just a bad person
• Sex is my only comfort
• No one can satisfy my needs
These beliefs must be dealt with and completely rejected. But the best way of doing that is to acknowledge them and seek professional or spiritual help in defeating them.
Improving communication
It is a fact that good communication might not solve the problem, but it is an important tool to address the emotional distance brought by sex addition. This may require the help of a professional therapist to bring the two spouses together and make them understand the importance of talking to one another.
The couple may also need to learn several ways of fostering and building trust once more with each other. The wife should be able to understand her husband and offer the necessary support and comfort that he needs. This includes avoiding being judgmental and appreciating the fact that her husband wants to change for the better.
Intimacy
Intimacy is normally based on trust and openness. It is a vulnerability that needs trust. However, pornography addictions can greatly damage self-worth and trust. Rebuilding intimacy is not just about sexual intimacy, there several things that therapists identify including recreational, emotional, intellectual, social, physical, and spiritual intimacy.
Humility
Humility is another important aspect as far as sexual addiction is concerned. This is because it offers the foundation for love, self-knowledge, and forgiveness. Humility always comes through a prayerful life between both spouses. Praying together helps each one of you to come to a realization that you are all vulnerable and can easily fall into temptations.
Respect and affection
It is important to address the real issues and feelings that were hurt during the addiction period. Trying to get back to normalcy by avoiding conflict can be counterproductive. This lack of proper communication only creates a gap between a wife and husband.
The two spouses should learn to respect and show genuine affection to each other. Avoid being hypocritical because it will fade and manifest at some point. If you are the victim, then the best thing would be to ask as many questions as you want and clear all the doubts that you may be having. A professional therapist can be very helpful in this case.
Being repentant and seeking spiritual guidance
This is probably one of the most important parts of strengthening a marriage after a porn addiction. The addicted should always show remorse and willingness to be helped. This means being genuinely sorry for the pain you caused your wife or husband and asking them for forgiveness.
It is also important for both spouses to seek pastoral guidance and counseling other than professional help. A spiritual leader might have a different perspective that can help the two of you heal much faster.
Bottom line
Pornography addiction can affect anyone. It is a habit that’s easy to form but very difficult to break away from. There are many things that can lead to sex addiction such as lack of self-worth, loneliness, idleness, curiosity among others.
The most important thing is being able to understand the needs of the addict. If it is your spouse, try to talk to them and seek both professional and spiritual help. Your positive attitude towards their pornographic addiction will play a big role in helping them out. Watch this porn addiction video for hope and techniques for overcoming addiction.
