Is it true that once you’re a porn addict, you’ll probably struggle the rest of your life?
Not at all! Many people have found lasting healing and freedom.
It usually takes more time and energy than they ever anticipated, but many people have found real freedom.
How long does it take to overcome porn addiction?
That obviously depends on how long someone has struggled, and how intense the struggle has become. It can be longer or shorter, depending on many variables.
We encourage people to keep at it “as long as it takes” – even if that is longer than they anticipated.
I’m getting so tired of fighting and feeling worried I might just give up. Any suggestions for when I feel hopeless?
You’re not alone! Let’s do this together.
Literally everyone who has reached lasting freedom has felt like you have – so you’re not facing anything unusual. A lot depends on what you do next. When you feel this low there are many things that you can do. Here are three:
- Don’t forget self-compassion – These changes can be challenging! Giving yourself some patience and kindness through this process seems to work the best. Take a step back, take a deep breath, do some self care, and get back up and go.
- Reach out for support – Reaching out to a team of support during these moments seems to make all the difference. This might be a great moment to either connect with your real-life Allies, or reach out and establish contact with people in your life who can play that role. You can also reach out in the community, get a coach or join a group. Connection can make all the difference!
- Put one foot forward at a time – This is a journey, not a race. It takes time. So right now, just determine what the next baby step forward is and take it.
Not sure I want to give this up…what if I don’t have enough desire?
This is such an important question, especially because vacillating desire is at the heart of this for so many people. If our focus goes only to behavior, we might miss the deeper changes we need. Finding a change in your own desire, for instance, is an internal change that is not likely optional if you’re wanting to find lasting freedom.
There are lots of ideas that can make a difference for this kind of deeper, internal change in desires and heart. As long as you are paying attention to this weakness or confusion or limitation in your desire, the good news is you can do something about it! Keep track of how your desire changes over the weeks and months ahead. Depending on what you do, we have lots of reasons to believe that desire can stabilize and grow in a positive direction over time!
Can depression get in the way of my recovery from porn?
Lots of things can get in the way of healing and recovery. And depression is one of them. It may or may not surprise you how common it is for people seeking freedom from pornography to also experience some kind of depression, despair or intense sorrow in the process of finding freedom from pornography.
While pornography addiction can definitely contribute to that, there are many other likely contributors. Medical research has shown literally hundreds of possible contributors – ranging from poor diet and physical inactivity, to chronic work or family stress and patterns of rumination where people mull over the same worries over and over.
Stepping away from any compulsive behavior can also upset our moods, as the thing we’ve been relying upon for so long is removed. Intense emotion is a very normal part of withdrawal effects as well.
Whatever the reason, there’s no doubt that intense sorrow can become a barrier to healing, especially if we allow it to become justification for going right back to the porn. Understandably, when we are feeling awful, we’re naturally interested in some way of feeling relief.
It will be important, if depression is a part of your experience, to find healthier ways of addressing those emotions. There are many different ways of working with these emotions productively – and a high likelihood of being able to heal from depression as well over time (once again, depending on how you respond).
What’s the purpose of focusing on risk factors?
It’s easy for anyone facing a difficult problem, for most energy and attention to be drawn to whatever immediate, observable behaviors, activities, and events are taking place. As a result, very little attention can sometimes go to other influences that may be less visible and apparent.
By bringing exclusive attention to risk factors, you can complement the understandable (and necessary) focus on immediate behaviors with a serious exploration of underlying contributors. As our awareness grows of what kinds of root vulnerabilities, specifically, might be influencing our experiences – this often naturally sparks an increased confidence and capacity to make deeper changes than surface behavior alone.
I’ve heard that mindfulness can help with addiction…is that true?
Big time. Mindfulness has been shown to help in many kinds of compulsive-addictive behavior. We highly encourage you to find ways of integrating more silence, stillness and space into your recovery plan, along with mindfulness-oriented techniques like “urge surfing.”
What is the purpose of gamification?
Multiple research studies have documented ways that gamification can expedite, facilitate, and incentivize healing by helping shift people into a more creative and motivated place. Compared to the “crisis mode” that many of us stay in, gamification can reinforce more of an adventuresome spirit where we are exploring, learning, and growing – calling up deeper levels of resilience, positivity, and stamina.
